Socially inept

****SNOOZE ALERT - these are ramblings, proceed at your own risk.****

Several weeks ago I was at a going away party where I had a conversation with a woman I know from church. She confided that she feels a little like a social reject because she doesn't know how to talk to people. This is a lovely lady who is nice, intelligent, and a stay at home mom to a young daughter. I heaved a sigh of relief as I unloaded my secret that I, too, feel totally inept in the social department. I have lost my hold on the art on conversation.

I haven't always been a wallflower. Although I started out shy and insecure, I grew into a confident and outgoing teenager and young adult. I had no problem talking to my peers and even those outside of my peer group. After college, I worked for a few years as a sales manager at a large hotel where I often took clients out to lunch. While I was initially a little out of my comfort zone, I was able to step up to the plate (since I was being paid to do so) and I got to the point where I felt I could easily carry on an engaging conversation with pretty much anyone. I also put those skills to good use in some of the positions I held in church, including one where I had to frequently visit those women on the rolls of the church that never attended services.

So what has happened? It's not like I'm still a brand new mom, so sleep deprived that I can barely string three coherent words together. (Let me tell you, I felt like I'd been beat with the stupid stick back in those days!) I am no longer outgoing, although I still consider myself to be friendly. I find myself challenged to carry on a conversation that is not about kids, adoption, work or church, or anything else not immediately relevant to my now very small world. I'd rather stand around quietly than attempt to engage in small talk. Am I lazy, not wanting to make the effort? Have I become downright boring? Or is it that I'm merely out of practice and now feeling insecure in my ability to carry on an intelligent conversation with another human being with whom I do not already have a strong bond? (I'm hopeful that it is the latter.)

I'm not a gossip. I'm not judgemental. I can honestly say that I like almost everyone I meet (exceptions are rare). I'm easy to get along with, although I think I'm probably hard to get to know. I have so little free time that I don't have many opportunities to build new friendships beyond what I can do while being at work or church, and fulfilling those responsibilities. Although I associate with plenty of "new" people, I can't say that I've made any new friends in recent years. I can barely find time to maintain my long term close friendships. Luckily for me, most of my "old" friends became mothers later too, so I think we're all in the same boat right now when it comes to keeping up. I'm not lonely or unhappy. I'm too busy for that, and as long as I think people like me - I'm really okay with my current social standing. But will it always be this way? Will I start to feel like a real person with a real life as the kids get older? Or is the fact that I've allowed myself to become a bit withdrawn now indicative of what my future holds?

If you haven't fallen asleep and shorted out your keyboard with drool, is there anyone else that feels this way? Is this normal? Does one return to the land of the social living as the kids get older? How much older? School age? Teen age? Or is it all a matter of me morphing into a dweeb?

I am hopeful that this is just a normal phase of life. In fact, I had assumed this was the case. I have taken for granted that I will some day get to build friendships with the women that I meet and know that I really like, but don't truly get to know. However, the aforementioned going away party was for a woman that I knew I liked from the first time I heard her speak in church about three years ago. I always figured I'd have time to get to know her, so I was really bummed when I heard that my time had run out. I don't want to miss out on getting to know all the interesting people around me.