Jambalaya

When I lived in the dorms my freshman year of college, there was one dish in particular that the cafeteria served that I greatly disliked. Their jambalaya was made of rice and whatever leftovers were on hand - everything but the kitchen sink. Hence the title for this entry. I'm serving up a heaping hodge podge put together with all the unrelated events of the last week or two. Hopefully it'll be more satisfying than the dreaded dish from the cancer, uh, I mean Cannon Center.

So we've been praying for some divine intervention - and it appears that we are getting it. C's behavior has been improving both at school and somewhat at home too. The week that she was staying until 1pm, she only had two infractions, one of which I thought was pretty minor (involving the boy wearing a brown and pink shirt). Last week she got to stay all day. She did have one incident where she said a pretty horrible thing, but the teacher said that she was immediately apologetic. This week she's doing full days again and so far so good.

C is really getting to be a good big sister. She wants to make M breakfast. (The other day I walked into the kitchen to find C heaping teaspoons of Ovaltine over her bowl of cereal.) She takes her around to introduce to her friends at school. And she offers to take M to the bathroom when she has to go away from home. She is also more willing to share and give up her turn than she used to be.

C's class took a field trip to the library about a week ago, and C and M stood in line hugging each other until they were ready for us to come in. And then when we were inside for story time, C had M sit on her lap. Eventually M got tired of the coddling and pushed her away, but it was sweet while it lasted.

With Halloween around the corner, and the girls always wanting me to scare them (until I do, and then they get mad), we decided to take them to a family friendly scare fest. Saturday evening we drove out to the boonies to go to the Halloween Trail. There was a small haunted castle, which was mostly just scary because of the strobe lights. C loved it, but M hated it (both times). The lighted trail was enjoyable because it was a dry, cool night - perfect for an evening stroll. There wasn't anything that scared the girls, although there were a few stops that they really enjoyed such as the suspension bridge, maze and a small little outbuilding that had music playing and the girls decided to have an impromptu dance party inside. Although I'm not certain that it was worth the $15 plus gas, it was different and a fun little diversion.

Last week I took the girls to the DMV to get ID cards for them for our upcoming trip. We walked right up to the counter, and I was pleased with how nice the employees were to the girls. I was even more happy with how good the girls were! We ran into a bit of a snafu with getting their pictures taken. Apparently the camera runs a constant feed, but it is rather finicky. The head has to be tilted just right, and the subject has to be perfectly still. Not an easy feat, especially for M. Although not the most flattering picture, C was done on the second take. I couldn't even tell you how many times they did M. I ended up holding her chin still until they reached four (out of the count to five), and my hand was still on the back of her head when they took the picture.

You know, I never thought that I'd get tired of hearing compliments about my kids, but I have to say that at our DMV stop, I'd had enough. The woman doing the photos just would not stop going on about how adorable M was. After a few times, she quickly threw in that both girls were cute, but then she'd rant and rave about M again. It was actually over the top offensive. C doesn't seem as bothered any more by these situations. After her picture was done, she went back to a chair where she was engrossed in "reading" the driver's manual in Spanish, so she probably didn't even hear most of the exchange.

The next day M was playing on a slide at the school playground after C's soccer game when two women that we didn't know stood talking about her hair. As they left they approached her to tell her what beautiful hair she has. I think she probably said thank you, but she quickly turned away to continue playing. I asked her shortly afterwards if she likes when people she doesn't know talks to her about her hair, to which she vehemently replied "No, I hate it!" I wonder sometimes if she might grow to resent all the attention that is heaped upon her by strangers. It'll be interesting to see.

NOW I am caught up

So here it is, my final post from the summer. I know, how lame am I?!

The week before Labor Day it was C's turn to spend the week with Grandma and Grandpa at the beach. They were kind enough to send her home with a few photos.

C really enjoyed going jogging and hiking with Grandpa on the trails nearby.

I guess after all of that hard work, she really deserved a spa treatment by Grandma! (Although I don't think she was enjoying getting her cuticles pushed back.)





Meanwhile, M pretty much had a run of the mill week at home. One day was apparently a little more fun than usual as P had to work on a day that I work too, so the babysitter was pressed into service. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Becky took a few pics with my camera documenting their adventures.




The rest of us joined C at the beach for the holiday weekend. The cape that my parents live on was mostly overcast while we were there, but one day we decided to drive down the coast a short bit. To our surprise, the weather was considerably more cooperative as we left the cape.

We hadn't intended for this beach to be our only stop. The girls were dying to go get their feet wet, so we let them play. Since the water is so cold, they usually just want to play in the sand, or maybe get their feet a little wet - so we were surprised with the turn of events. I'll just let the pictures illustrate.







Unfortunately, we weren't prepared for this, so it meant the end of our little day trip. We had to strip the girls all the way down to their birthday suits. Thankfully, they had taken off their jackets so there was at least something dry for the trip home.

As we got closer to home, C started complaining that she really had to go to the bathroom and there was no way she'd be able to make it back to the house. A public restroom was out of the question due to the lack of clothing - that would certainly warrant a call to the police (at least we have tinted windows so no drivers would make that call). But there was great urgency in C's voice, so as we reached the long and winding road back to the cape, we pulled off the road at the entry of a driveway, the house to which it served was nowhere in sight. Although I don't have much, if any, experience going potty in the woods, I was still the logical choice for taking C out to complete her business. I helped her squat so she wouldn't get wet. I gave her reassurances that it was okay. And then she cut loose. I still don't know how it happened, and I couldn't move since I was propping up C. Suffice it to say, my leg and foot got soaked. And really, what can you do but laugh? When we returned to the van, P instructed me on the best way to have accomplished that task. Yeah, thanks for nothing.

Kids say the darndest things

At dinner tonight I pulled out a new bottle of juice from the pantry. As soon as M saw it she started cheering. "Yeah, stain juice! I love stain juice!"

We don't often drink grape juice in our house, but in the past I have admonished the girls to be careful not to spill it on their clothes because it will stain. M frequently asks now whether the food she is eating will stain her clothes or not.

Tonight we also went over to a family member's house to celebrate a cousins 14th birthday. P's sister had several boxes of Halloween decorations and costumes sitting in the hall, so the kids and adults alike had some fun with masks and wigs, etc.

The girls were worn out when they made it into bed, and P didn't get home until after they were down. When he went into C's room to kiss her goodnight she stirred from her rest and sleepily told him "Daddy, I wish you had long hair."

And here's a Monday morning addition. P was telling M that he wanted her to stay a little girl forever. Initially she agreed that she wouldn't grow up, she'd always be his little girl. Then she stopped short. "Wait, I want to grow up so I can color my hair!"

Trouble in school

Well, I guess the honeymoon period is over. We went from C having good days in school, or at least days where she didn't misbehave any more than any of the other kids, to daily reports that C didn't do very well today. It all boiled down to her behavior towards other children. Most of the time it was verbal - calling names or saying mean things, although she did slap someone once.

Her teacher was particularly upset when she told a boy she'd kill him if he told on her, or something like that. It's interesting that an older child can say flippantly to their friend that "I'll kill you if you tell anybody that I like Jimmy," but there is something much more disturbing about it when a young child uses that phrase. I'm not advocating that it's appropriate to say it at any age, and we definitely don't talk like that in our home, but I wouldn't think twice hearing an older cousin say it, yet my heart skipped a beat when I heard it had come from my young daughter.

Another day the teacher was distressed because, despite the fact that she had made C apologize for repeatedly being unkind to a girl, she showed no remorse. The teacher wasn't experiencing much success in dealing with it in the classroom, so soon she would be sending her to the youth minister, Pastor Barb, to handle it. It became very clear during our impromptu parent teacher conference that C would not be able to continue attending school there if C couldn't demonstrate an improvement in her behavior. We also discussed prenatal conditions that I believe may contribute to C's impulsive and sometimes aggressive nature, of which she already had knowledge. The upside is that this teacher is a very caring, nurturing woman who really wants to see C succeed socially and academically in school, and she seems open to suggestions on how that can be accomplished.

I left the school crying, frustrated and uncertain how to address the issues. It's not like these are new problems, we struggle with them at home too. I talked to C at great length that night, hopeful that she would want to do better the next day. Unfortunately, we received a similar report again. More tears and frustration.

C is such a complex little girl, and in many ways a bundle of contradictions. She can tell you the rules, but she sometimes seems totally incapable of following them. She is a very loving child, but then she says mean things for the sheer pleasure of it. She is an extremely social creature, outgoing and making friends quickly, and yet she can turn around and be unkind to them. I know that she is well liked amongst the kids in her class. They get all excited when she comes to class, and give her hugs when she leaves. So why would she want to hurt their feelings? This is especially baffling because she knows what it is like to be hurt. We rarely let her play with the girls across the street because they can be so cruel (and not just to C).

Usually her problems surface in the afternoon, so I'm thinking that there is a correlation with sleep. C has always required a little more sleep than other children her age. It may be because she wakes up more during the night. It has only been VERY recently that she has stopped either calling for me in the middle of the night or more commonly coming and climbing into my bed. I don't know if she is now finally sleeping thru the night, but I assume her sleep disruptions are at least less intrusive. She could still use an afternoon nap, but the timing is crucial. Too late and she sleeps too long and wakes up cranky. But when we skip the nap she is also tired, often cranky, and loses the ability to self regulate.

Since C's class does their academic portion first thing, we decided to bring her home at 11am, which is when they have lunch. She was very sad to have to leave early, but she was compliant and came home, ate lunch, took a nap and had a good day both at school and at home. We told her that she had "earned" the priviledge to stay for lunch the next day, and if she kept being good she could earn the priviledge to stay thru recess. She did really well last week, even on days following a poor night of sleep. After a week of good reports, she earned the right to stay until 1pm this week.

Yesterday she left with a good report, but today her teacher told P that she made fun of one of the boys. Amazingly, P had more details for me when I asked. Apparently she told the boy that he was wearing girl clothes. He was wearing a brown shirt with pink stripes.

So this brings up my other concern. Now that C has been labeled, will she actually be held to a higher standard than the rest of her classmates? I'm pretty sure that another child making that comment would not be considered as being mean, the teacher would just explain that pink in a shirt does not make it a girl's shirt - and that would be the end of it. Perhaps an apology would be solicited. But no one would remember the event by the end of the day.

Ah, the joys of parenthood! I'm still looking for that darn manual that would help me muddle through all of this.

I'm a grandma!

The other day I picked M up from school and we headed down to the library, only to find that it didn't open for another 45 minutes. We decided to kill some time by going to Taco Bell for lunch. M was in a great mood and was very well behaved. This day she didn't go out of her way to engage those around us, but I kid you not when I say that she interacted with virtually every one in the dining room. Everywhere I looked people were smiling, winking and waving to my little girl. One woman told me that she must have gone back for a second helping of cute.

While we were sitting and eating, I noticed one of my co-workers in a nearby booth so I talked to him briefly about his recent promotion and upcoming relocation, and then we all went back to eating. When he got up to leave, he stopped by our table and asked if I was with my granddaughter. Thinking that I couldn't have heard him correctly, I asked him to repeat himself. Again he asked if M was my granddaughter, to which I replied that no, she was my daughter and he continued out of the restaurant without further exchange.

I may have been a bit haughty in my reply, although I was more surprised at his question than offended, and within seconds I found it all rather funny. I quickly dialed one of my friends at work and relayed the tale to her, which she also found quite hilarious. I heard a nearby diner giggling as she overheard my phone conversation, which helped reassure me that I'm not delusional in thinking it's a bit of a stretch to make me a grandma already.

I think part of the reason I was so surprised was because this co-worker used to sit in close proximity to me, and we had discussed that he had gone to high school with my husband's younger brother. While I'm pretty sure he must have been kicking himself as he was leaving, I kept pondering why he would have assumed I was M's grandmother. Perhaps he was confusing me with someone else at work that he knows is a grandma? While it wouldn't be under desirable circumstances, it is technically possible that I could have a young grandchild. Maybe he has other friends in their late 30s that are grandparents. Or what I have decided could be the most likely reason is that he simply failed to consider that two caucasian parents could have a child of color.

As M gets older, it seems like the difference in our family's coloring comes up a little more often. A few weeks ago the girls were playing on a play structure in a neighborhood playground (not ours) that is on the way home from school. Another girl a few years older than C came and joined them, and we mentioned that she had the same first name as one of the girls' cousins. After another 10 minutes of play she asked if the girls were cousins. I told her that no, they were sisters. Sensing her confusion, C explained on her own that they were adopted. Then we had to clarify that both girls were adopted. Surprisingly she inquired about my infertility, but phrased it somehow about not being able to have kids of my own. While I confirmed that I could not give birth to my kids, I explained that adoption is a beautiful way to build a family and how it is a win-win situation for both the children that need parents to raise them, and the parents who want to have children - to which C heartily agreed. I hope that taking the time to have conversations with other kids will help plant the seeds for a positive view of adoption.

While adoption is not a daily topic in our household, it does come up regularly. C is now the most likely to bring it up and she goes thru cycles where she has many questions for days or weeks in a row, and then she's done with the topic for awhile. M has never shown much interest in the topic (neither did C at this age), so I was surprised the other day when she brought it up out of the blue. We were looking at shoes at the store when she became agitated and told me that she didn't want to come from someone else's tummy, she wanted to come from my tummy. I told her that I appreciate that she feels that way, but that it didn't really matter whose tummy she came from, I still got to be her mother! She calmed down and then asked if she was born in America. Yes, I said, you were born in American Samoa. Then she asked if she cried. I verified that she meant A, and supplied her once again with her birthmothers name. I told her that A did cry, but that A told me she was crying not out of sadness, rather because she was happy for M. A was crying because she was giving M a life that she couldn't have given her herself. She was happy because she knew that M was going to have two parents and a sister that loved her, and a comfortable home, and that she would have many more opportunities available to her than if she had grown up on the island.

And then, as suddenly as the topic came up, she moved on to something else. Who knew that I'd get all teary eyes while browsing for shoes! The whole exchange probably only lasted five minutes, but I loved having the opportunity to talk to her about her adoption and was very pleased that she was showing an interest. She must have liked what she heard, because the next few nights when I put her to bed she would ask me again why A cried.