There's no place like home

We are sooo glad to have M back home with us!!! She had a great time at the beach with Grandma and Grandpa. So much so that I was worried she might want to stay there, but my fears were unfounded. Whew.  They said she was the perfect kid. Cooperative, obedient and always happy.  While I agree that she is a good kid, why do Grandma and Grandpa get the best behavior?  

C and I headed out to the beach last Friday for Memorial Weekend. I guess M saw the van coming down the road and started screaming with excitement. She was still screaming when we got out of the car. What a happy reunion!

The weather wasn't real cooperative for our stay at the beach. The clouds refused to burn off, even though it didn't really rain that much. We spent a little time at the beach, but on Monday we decided to go to the Air Museum.

If you look at the rocks you can see how hazy it is.

The museum was pretty interesting. The hangar that houses the museum is the largest wooden building in the world (according to one employee, but I didn't see it in writing) and was built in WWII to house blimps that patrolled the coastline. It is 15 stories high and seven acres in area. The hangar alone was pretty impressive in my book.  Now it is home to "one of the finest collections of privately owned WWII flying aircraft in the nation." The girls really enjoyed seeing the planes, and there were several trainer cockpits that they were able to play in. The girls kept a pretty brisk pace, which worked out well with my level of interest in the planes - so P, Grandma and Grandpa took their time at the exhibits.

My little posers.

And now it is so wonderful to have the whole family back home again! Soon we're going to have the girls sign legally binding contracts that they won't ever leave again. Or get married until they're 30. While we're at it, we also need to video tape them proclaiming that we are the best mommy and daddy ever so we can play it back for them when they're teenagers.

15 years of bliss

So, you may ask, what does 15 years of wedded bliss look like?

No, really, it has been a great 15 years.  Maybe not always blissful, but I wouldn't trade them for anything.  On one hand, it's hard to believe that we've been married for so long, but at the same time it feels long enough that I hardly remember life without P.  Imagine what eternity must feel like! I couldn't ask for a better husband and father to my children.  Well, I guess I could ask, but I wouldn't get one.  And for those who said it wouldn't last, nah nah nah nah nah nah.

Thanks to our five year old photographer for these pictures.

Finally, here are those wee kids who married 15 years ago today.

Missing M!

My parents came into town for part of last weekend, and took M home with them. We are really missing her, but I think that C is missing her most of all! I think it's good for her to have a few days to not take her sister/playmate for granted. In M's absence, I thought I'd post a couple recent cute pics of the girls together. However, this first one is from this weekend's visit. Since C was going to be left behind, Grandma offered for C to take a nap with her on Sunday. M was upset to not be included, but she didn't want Mommy or Daddy to join her for nap time - it had to be Grandpa!

Usually it's C that sneaks into M's bed, but this time it was the other way around. If memory serves me, this was a night that Grandma and Grandpa at home were babysitting.

Sharing the last smoothie.

Piggy back ride - even though there is only 8 lbs difference!

Just stuff

I think I finally figured out the root of my computer woes. My anti spyware program was bogging down the system, especially after the most recent update. Stupid program! It's a good thing it was free after the rebate, or I'd be pretty upset about shelling out money to slow my computer to less than a snail's pace. On top of that, P has advised that he would rather have me play Wii than work on the computer. So with the green light to play to my hearts content, I have neglected you. Sorry! Besides, there hasn't really been much to write about.

We finally decided to enroll C in private kindergarten next fall, which is a full day, as opposed to public kindergarten which is only 2 1/2 hours a day. Since we've seen so much progress with her lately, we think she may actually be up to a full day after all. Our hope is that she'll get lots of extra attention this year so that when she starts 1st grade she'll have the confidence of being one of the "smart kids". I really like the teacher she'll have for kindergarten, and several of the preschool kids from her current class will be in her new class. I think it will be less overwhelming to be at the same school as opposed to the new, huge, K-8 school they are building two blocks away from our house. On Friday her preschool teacher stopped me to say how proud she is of C and the amazing progress she has seen in her this year - both academically and especially socially. It's so nice to know that others can see the same positive changes we have.

Summer is quickly filling up with activities. We have a week of vacation scheduled for June in which we have planned to go to Utah. I'm excited to see everyone and do some of the activities I've planned, but I'm still less than thrilled at the thought of the drive. Last week we had some really hot days here, and the knowledge that it will be that hot every day in Utah is also daunting. I still haven't gotten P to commit to exact departure and return dates, so I can't book our hotel yet. It's frustrating to have so little time together to be able to actually plan things out. Vacation time is right around the corner, so I guess we really need to get this settled. Besides a trip, the girls are each signed up for six weekly dance classes, swimming lessons, and if there's room in the session we want then C will be going to a two week safety camp. So much for sleeping in. Not that that's an option with these two anyway!

I'm still smiling smugly to myself for pulling a fast one on the girls last Friday. P was trying to find a babysitter so we could go out to dinner with a work contact (snore) and then catch a movie afterwards. He couldn't find one on short notice so we scrapped dinner plans, but he did get his parents to come over for a few hours. Normally the girls are awesome for babysitters, but for some reason they just won't stay in bed for P's parents - which frustrates them enormously. We always seem to come home at 10 or 11pm to find the girls wide awake and knee deep in quiet mischief. So I suggested that we go about the evening as usual and put the girls to bed ourselves. We stuck around long enough to send them back to bed a second time, and then we scooted out to the movies. When we returned, they were sound asleep in the appropriate beds and grandma and grandpa hadn't heard a peep. They still don't know we snuck out ; ) I'm quite pleased with myself for hatching such a brilliant plan. We're going to have to use it again. And again. And again. Oh, and we went to see Iron Man. I'm not a fan of the comic book based movies, but P really wanted to see it, and it had good reviews so I agreed to go. It was an exceptional movie. Very engaging. I didn't look at my watch once.

I got your back

The complex relationship that sisters share never ceases to amaze, and sometimes amuse me. It's all new territory to me, since I don't have a sister. In our case, I'm specifically talking about how the girls stick up for each other. If one gets in trouble, the other gets mad at me for enforcing a punishment - even when it is for something they did against that sister. You'd think they'd be pushing for stiffer penalties, not yelling at me to "leave my sister alone" for sending her sister to her room for hitting her. (You following me?) For some reason, M is fiercely proctective of her big sister. While I'm not happy when she raises her voice at me, I can't help but be a little pleased that they do stand up for each other. I only hope it carries outside of the home too. Both girls have tall genes, but I think there is an excellent chance that M will outgrow C in size. We joke about M taking out the girl that picks on C, or the first boy that breaks her heart.

Tonight we were watching a Nancy Drew movie together. At the end of the movie, you could tell that the boy was going to plant an innocent little kiss on the girl. To tease C, 'cause she loves that stuff way too much, I quickly turned off the movie and announced that it was over before lip lock was acheived. Umm, well, she came unglued and just sobbed. Before I could respond, M became indignant and grabbed the remote, throwing it on the floor in a display of her disgust with my apparent flagrant disregard for C's tender feelings. Her face said it all. Did she care about the kiss, or seeing the ending scenes? I think not. It was all about looking out for her sister.

P's birthday

I haven't posted lately because something is wrong with my computer. It's slower than tar and I expect it to crash any day now. But at least everything's backed up, so I'm ready if it does happen.

This week was P's birthday. For the most part, it passed just like the days preceding and following it. He worked hard & had a stressful day. He came home from work later than anticipated. Pretty much the same ole, same ole. We did go out to eat at Olive Garden with his sister's family and his parents. The girls really are pretty good when we eat out these days. I am so loving the extra options that are opening up to us. C did complain initially that she didn't like her mac & cheese, but when her cousin told her that that was Brooke's favorite dish, she found her appetite and practically licked her bowl clean. (Brooke is her 13 year old cousin's good friend. She's at their house so much that I'm not sure C [or M] realizes that she isn't a cousin too. I'm not sure why, but the girls adore her!)

Our good friend "Mr. Hillbilly" had a birthday this week too, so we all (well, the adults) went out to celebrate at Macaroni Grill. I dare not say how late we were in arriving, for fear my extremely time conscious cousin has a coronary when he reads this and vows never to do anything socially with us again ; ) Suffice it to say, we were inexcusably late. In my defense, I have to say that it was 95% not my fault. They must really like us, because not one complaint passed their lips while we were with them. Despite our dubious start, we had a rollicking good time with them. We love you guys!

For many years I have vowed that we will never own a video game system in our family. Luckily, video games aren't really P's thing either, so it's never been an issue. When the Wii came out I decided that it wouldn't be the end of the world if one landed in our household, but we weren't interested enough to look into them or add it to our mental wishlists. Imagine our surprise when P's brother gave him a Wii for his birthday! I am finding his gift entirely too entertaining. P's played the boxing game a couple times and was really impressed that it caused him to break a sweat. I'm loving the tennis game. I haven't had anyone to play tennis with me since college. P watched as I played a game of tennis and baseball one night, and was surprised that I did so well. He apparently had no idea he'd married such an athlete : )

Well, I've had enough typing for now. For some strange reason, I feel the need to ice my right arm and take some ibuprofen.

Tough decisions

I guess that maybe I'll start with a little background here. About a year and a half ago, someone close to us had an allegation made against them and the kids were removed from the home while DHS did an investigation. Our family & another offered to do emergency certification so that the kids wouldn't have to go to strangers. It was five weeks before the little boy we had was able to go home. Afterwards our certifier asked if they could keep our file open for future foster placements. We felt that perhaps we had found ourselves in this situation for a reason, and told her yes. We laid out a few parameters. Since our kids were so young, we didn't want to have a lot of children coming and going from our home. We were open to children younger than M, and either situations where it was anticipated that they would become free for adoption, or else we could help out by providing VERY short term (2-4 weeks in my mind) foster care.

Early last year DHS called us on a pretty much weekly basis with kids they needed to place - mostly children two and under, but some sibling groups too, and even a set of newborn twins. Many times we could make a decision right on the phone as to whether it was a situation we felt we could handle. Each call would tug at your heart strings, and you would wish that you had it in you to take care of all of these poor children who so far had had such a raw deal in life. P had a harder time than I did saying no, even though he does realize that we can't take them all. We did say yes to the short term care of a five year old girl just before Easter, but then they had a change in plans and she didn't come after all. A week or two after that is when they called us on the foster daughter we cared for for six months. Since they were only looking for a short term placement for her while they sorted some things out, and they needed a home for her in a matter of hours, I didn't really put a lot of effort into my decision. They had a need and it sounded like we could adequately fill that need, so sure. Four hours later she was in our home.

I quickly learned that there really is no such thing as short term in the foster system, and the only thing predictable about any case is that it is totally unpredictable. It gets a little frustrating, because even though the social workers we have dealt with to date have been very caring, it's still just a case for them - but for the children and the foster families, it is our LIVES! We got very involved in the process, hearings, etc. Perhaps we shouldn't have since then we felt every little bump of the roller coaster ride. For a while there it looked like we might want to be an adoptive resource, but the issue of whether she might become legally free changed on at least a weekly basis - and this went on for some time. After awhile we (particularly me) became emotionally run down. Then her dad came for his first visit (he lived out of state). From that point on, the goal for the father & for us was reunification. We did all we could to help support him and assist him with what he needed to do to get his daughter. However, the system became very adversarial towards him and the case kept dragging on. By the end of the summer, I was an emotional wreck. I could no longer live the drama on a daily basis, and I didn't think it was in our girls' best interest to continue bonding with a sister that wasn't going to stay here - so I made the heart wrenching decision to ask to have her moved to another family, and I suggested that she might do better in a family that didn't have such young children so she could have even more attention. Looking back now I can say with full confidence that everything has worked out as it should, but man was that a rough chapter in my life.

Our certification expired shortly after our foster daughter left, and we really deliberated long and hard as to whether we wanted to re-certify. I felt like my heart was still bruised and battered, but we finally decided to move ahead in that direction again and just have them keep us off of the call list to give us time to heal. Just because we're certified, doesn't mean that we HAVE to accept any children, but if we hear of a situation that feels right then we'll be in a position to accept. This time we gave them even narrower parameters. We are most interested in a minority boy under twelve months old. Our certifier is awesome, and she makes us feel like she is making it her mission to find a child that will be perfect for our family.

The reason why I'm writing about all of this now is because it appears that we have been put back on the call list. Thankfully the calls are not so frequent now. So far none have exactly matched the narrow window we set up, but that's okay. Every time we get called, it seems to be because someone at DHS that has met us has felt the child would be a good match for our family - so it seems a little less random. In every case, the child sounds delightful, and young enough to have had little ill effects from being in the system or from being in the families from which they were removed (usually pretty close to birth). This sets us up for having to make some tough decisions. Each call we get is for a potential forever member of our family, AND the social worker is hoping to have an answer that day. It's a huge decision to make, for a child we've never seen, and in such a short time. Our lives could forever be changed in the course of 24 hours (or even less). These children are not yet legally free, but that is the direction their cases are headed, and we feel we'd rather take the risk and get the child younger than to have them move around in the system and only consider them once there is no legal risk. We know it could even take a few years for everything to work out. No matter the situation, we're sure to have a bumpy ride. So it's a decision that we don't take lightly. I personally feel like I'm going to need Heavenly Father's assurance from the onset that we are supposed to bring this particular child into our home, so I can cling to that during the stormy times.

Whenever we get that call from DHS, my heart leaps into my throat and I start to feel nervous. Life is so good right now, it's hard to consider making changes that will certainly make life more challenging. But I can't help but try to envision my family with the new face that I haven't seen yet. Will I be able to handle it? I know from experience that three is a lot harder than two! Will the girls be happy with the new dynamics?

Yesterday afternoon we got another call. An adorable 18 month old African American boy that is healthy and happy, no drug effects, and he has been in the same foster family since six weeks old. Although they say that boys are harder to place, this is only the second boy they have called us on (the first being one of the newborn twins last year). From what they say, he sounds like he would be a great match, although this move of families is certain to be very hard on him. I feel so sad for him and the trauma that is unavoidable, due to no fault of his or his loving foster family that will also be hurting. He needs to be moved by today. (His biological parents knew the foster parents before placement, but now with the case plan changing from reunification to adoption - they have begun threatening the foster family.) I think I want the answer to be yes, but after praying, I feel no strong feeling or enthusiasm for pursuing this. So I guess my answer is no. It's hard to call the social worker and tell her why we can't take this wonderful boy, but she's very understanding. Most social workers we've talked to really do believe that everything works out the way it is supposed to. So for now, it's back to life as normal ... until we get the next call.